toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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