did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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