I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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