I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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