Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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