we have pet lesbian snakes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize