Just cropdusted the office
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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