Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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