Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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