I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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