hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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