You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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