When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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