I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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