Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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