and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize