I could make wine with my vomit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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