Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Farmville is her only friend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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