we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize