ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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