Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize