there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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