Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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