So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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