im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize