Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize