In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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