Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
