there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
