I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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