If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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