I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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