I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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