So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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