Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize