i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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