Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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