im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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