so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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