So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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