i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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