MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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