Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize