Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I forget how to act sober
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize