i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize