I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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