She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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