So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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