How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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