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Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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