I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's get the cat blown out
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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