Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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