i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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